sometimes there is absolutely no more room.

Tonight it is quiet. There a few extras in here as I reflect on the day. Three bodies extra in the bed (two boys and a kitty) + me + a puppy on the floor. What you cannot hear is the absolute sense of comfort the boys feel, the cat's tail luxuriously
swishing contently with satisfaction across the pillow, and the gently snoring Bella-dog. Oh sweet Bella, wishing she could be up here, but knowing that there is absolutely no more room.

Sometimes I think that there is absolutely no more room for anything anymore in my life. that there is absolutely no more space for friendship, for love, for any more laughter, for any more loud whacking fist fighting sword yielding testosterone, and absolutely no more space for projects and ideas and creativity. I feel full. full to BURSTING and then. and then.

and then it all slips back in. Slips back in a sometimes loud outpouring of self, and other times a quiet calling at night. Although I feel that there is absolutely no more room inside my heart and inside my soul tonight, I count the deep breathe in and out of my boys, in.&.out. in&out. in.&.out.
Then I feel my own heart loosening, stretching out a little bit more between each slow push in and out of my breathe.

I count my own breath. in.&.out. In&Out. in.&.out. & I know, and I know that what I feel is okay, it is fine to feel that there is absolutely no more room! but my soul says don't worry, there is always room for more, sometimes it is just a matter of when.

xxoo