april ends

I am trying desperately to bend myself back in time and rewind April. Oh April, where did you go?

May will begin and my list of things recently penned on the blog diminishes again as April becomes archived and the new month starts. So there May stands, a whole month unwritten with thoughts and adventures and little scraps of life poised to be woven and unstrung and rewoven anew. I am not sure what May holds in its heart for me. I am most especially looking forward to a wedding in the smokey mountains of North Carolina and a visit from my father. Here in the states, we celebrate Mother's Day. May is also a month seeming to burst with birthdays and anniversaries. So perhaps I am not dreading May at all. I am just already missing April. The art-ing around (and yes I know I did not link as I should have, but perhaps we will get to do it again soon). April and art and a chance to blot out blighted branches on the tree of my self. I think that in the lightening fast paced world in which we live, it is difficult to give ourselves a chance to heal from things, yet at the same time, marching forward seems to always offer up a cushion, a soft place where the raw newness of grief ends and the ever-after of things begins.

I know when April ends and May begins, we are so much closer to Summer Holidays and the boys days of unscheduled freedom. I am sure we will find many things to do. We already have plans to visit  family in Colorado and camping trips scheduled (one in the mountains and one out on Catalina Island).  I wonder if I could just camp away the summer, spend every night in our backyard, sleeping bags out, under the sound of sweet nighttime birds, heavy flower-scented air and the absolutely difficult sound of the freeway that wraps itself around Los Angeles.  There will be days on the beach and the ever difficult sound of exhaustion and whining that comes from the boys desperate desire to be plugged into some sort of electronic device at all times if they are at home (we run a tight ship on electronic use or as we call it "screen time" but all it does is make them want it more -I dread the summer arguments over free time spent and free time spent well).  I have foggy plans to take a road trip with the boys out to the Southwest of the States but I am unsure what they will entail and if I can force myself to to plan it out and execute it with any real intention.  My parent's often took us to Santa Fe and Taos when we were little and I wanted to make it a pilgrimage of sorts, tracing the ways of my mother, searching out things that filled her with joy and wonder. But this plan just rests there on the branches, not sure if it will fully blossom into plans. The summer always seems so wide and open at the beginning, then at the end, it was over to quickly and time got away from you. So this little plan just stays there lurking in my mind, a slight tug on my arm so to speak, perhaps this summer, perhaps the next.

But first, we shall forage through May and see what we can find.

What are your plans for May? xxoo