08 June 2013

23/52 :: the quiet, the aftermath


there is a tipping point. 
of not being able to return. 
to childhood. to reverie.
to the gardens left with broken down drained earth.


we trudge forward anyway.
 carrying the remnants of crushed petaled dreams in our pockets,
our babes across our back.
the heavy weighted love for our children yoked on our shoulders.

and we leave a light on in our windows
a whisper against the dark night.
a small path lit, letting our sisters know,
our daughters, our mothers
that we remember the children who can't come home at night, 
and those who have no home.
for the departed who visit us only across dreamed up landscapes, 
and in gulped back tears.

we leave a light on in our windows

for the unwritten song of a child's life who is taken. or has left too quickly.
for the motherless child who no longer has a voice to sing out her song.

we leave a light on for this heavy weighted love for our children, yoked on our bent shoulders.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
the portraits this week are of time spent gardening with the boys. a highlight moment of my week.

then yesterday the boys' schools were on lockdown because of a man on a shooting spree.  people were killed.  others were injured.  I feel torn up inside, not only because it all unfolded blocks, steps, from my home; but it unfolded in the lives of my children. your children. our children. my oldest son's class walked to their class picnic down the very street where this man would be using a machine gun (senseless, heartless) recklessly shooting as he made his way to the college that shares the same street with my son's school.  I am so grateful that the moments carved out in time did not overlap. My middle, almost ten, locked in a classroom, was unable to go to the bathroom and had no other choice than to wet himself.  humiliating, I know, but at least he was safe.  All three of mine are safe. but there are others, no longer children, who did not return home last night.  and a man, ill and with a locked heart, that was once a baby in his mother's arms, that robbed people of their lives and of their dreams, and then, was shot himself. so my heart feels a bit shaky, my home a little torn.

much love and peace to you out there in this world today. & remember to leave a light on in your heart for those who have no light, no hope, no home.

joining in with jodi and so many beautiful others.  xxoo

60 comments:

  1. Peace and love to you and yours. Hold those babes tight - but then we must let them go. You brought tears to my eyes with this piece. Glad you are all safe. These events really make it tough - how do we choose where to live, what freedoms do we allow are children, are we in the right schools - or does any of this really matter because what will happen will happen?? Focus on the love and positive in the world around us. Thank you for sharing.
    Chey xo

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    1. Dear sweet Chey, thank you so for your kind words and your wonderful wisdom.
      a mother's heart, who knows when to hold her boys close and then when let them go.
      xxoo

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  2. I am so sorry your community has had to go through this. I live in a wonderful quiet little town in SW England, the most peaceful place you can imagine, but last year there was a terrible crime here that was utterly devastating. When violence comes to your doorstep it is nothing like watching it on the news. It is complete horror. All you can do is hold your loved ones close and support each other. You are in my thoughts this evening, take care Rebecca.

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    1. I think you are so right CJ. You don't know when violence will strike, but when it is is at your doorstep, it is so awfully unreal.
      I still can't sit down to read/listen to the full news story. thanks so so much CJ for thinking of us this weekend. xxo

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  3. I am so sorry about this, it is incredibly sad and incredibly scary. I hope your children are doing okay. Peace and blessings to you all.

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    1. Thanks so so much Sarah. We are still shaky -and tired- I find we are all on edge with an unexplainable exhaustion. xo

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  4. I don't have words to describe that horror. When we became moms things like that make ours hearts so much tight...
    Hope you are all ok!
    xoxo inês

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    1. thanks so much Ines for your kind sweet words. Our hearts run away from us for ever when we have children. xo

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  5. Rebecca, reading those words gave me chills. I'm so sorry to hear this has happened in your community. My thoughts are with you all, and thank you for sharing your beautiful words at such a time like this xx

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    1. Thanks so much Sylvia. I so appreciate your sweet, positive thoughts and kind words.
      xxoo

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  6. What a terrible experience for both the boys and you. So glad you are all ok. Will be thinking of you and your community ... stay safe.
    xx

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  7. Ohh Rebecca, I read this in disbelief and sadness... I'm so sorry you and your boys had to experience such terror. It's for this reason I've stopped watching the news, it's just filled with so much heartache. Your prose is beautiful as always, ...wishing your family a more peaceful weekend - xo

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    1. We don't watch the news at all either. I feel a bit old fashioned at times, but this time, I knew that sheltering myself from what the news media had to say about it all was the best thing for my soul. It is just too much heartache -and all so wrong. so so wrong.

      thank you so much Catherine for your kind and beautiful words. thanks for thinking of us here. xo

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  8. Peace be with you and your children as you rest and recover. Thankfully.

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    1. thank you so. much needed peace is in order. thank you. xxoo

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  9. I worked yesterday. I'm a nurse in the valley. I floated in and out of patient's rooms and, through all the upsetting news, all I could think of was the children at nearby schools. I heard of some that were evacuated and the news report was providing the information of where parents could find their children. And that's all I could think about... How traumatic it would be to be so close to something so horrible... and for my child to feel unsafe and displaced. It heart my heart so bad I couldn't even think about the real victims.

    Anyway, I'm glad your kids are safe. It's a sad time. xo

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    1. Thank you, thank you so very much for thinking of all us here, while you floated in and out of your patient's rooms. I don't know how I missed you were in the valley. I feel as if I have a kindred spirit there now. I have never been so grateful for the medical community as I have been right now. I can only imagine what a caring and kind nurse you are xo.

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  10. Leave a light on and walk beside them and witness the strength of the human spirit...

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    1. Oh Lisa, you have always been so wise. These words are now more true than ever.
      thank you, thank you. xxoo

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  11. Oh my, how terrifying! Praying for you, and your community! Xxx

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  12. Beautiful words as always. I am sure you are holding your boys extra close tonight, I am so glad you are able to xx

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. xxoo

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  13. My heart was in my throat while reading this. Over on the other side of the world, this did not appear as newsworthy. I am sorry that this has appeared in the lives of your children.

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    1. Sadly, I can imagine the only thing newsworthy about it is to prove that guns and america don't mix that well. We are so foolish to allow semi-automatic weapons, and assault rifles, to be sold here. Makes me so furious. And sad.

      thank you so much for your kind words. xxoo

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  14. Oh that's awful Rebecca, how terrible to have something like that happen in your community. As has been said, the story was buried in newspaper footnotes here. Possibly because we had our own UK gunman incident on Friday, although because firearms are so much harder to come by here he only had an air rifle. He was holed up in his own home, there was a 'siege', but he hurt no one and was arrested after ten hours. I am so sorry to read that on your side of the pond people weren't so lucky! Hugs x

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    1. Oh Annie, so so awful. Sometimes I think my heart will just fall apart because of all the senseless of it.
      So awful. I am glad that everyone there came through relatively unscathed. thanks so for thinking of us. xxoo

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  15. Oh! How sad that this is becoming so frequent in our neighborhoods that I didn't even hear of it. I'm glad all is well in your home... Blessings to you in these hard days.

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    1. The frequency and senselessness of it breaks my heart even more. Thank you so for your kind words. xo

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  16. I've just come to visit from The Habit of Being. My heart goes out to you all and I am glad your children are safe.

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    1. Thanks so much Leonie. I so appreciate your kind thoughts. xxoo

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  17. so sorry to hear how y'all were touched by this week's violence. thankful you have each other for hugs and support :)

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  18. I am speechless and shaking.
    I'm sending you love and enormous light. Xx

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  19. Terrible, terrible tragedy. My heart goes out to you and your community. xx

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    1. Thank you so much Caroline. I so so appreciate it. xo

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  20. Hi there,

    I've just heard about what happened, a day late. There is so much darkness in this world these days and carrying on becomes more difficult. I'm glad that your family is safe.

    On a lighter note, I'm so glad that you've commented on my blog which led me to yours. It's a lovely space. I think I'll follow along now.

    Jo Farmer

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    1. Thanks so so much Jo. Your kind words have made me smile. xxoo

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  21. i can't bear to hear about these tragedies on the news; yet there you are in the terrifying thick of it, bearing it. my heart goes out to you, your kids and your community. your beautiful words and pictures help me not turn away and close my eyes x

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    1. Oh thank you so Max. Your words are so encouraging to me. I so appreciate it. xxoo

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  22. Beautiful woman, I'm so very sorry, I really don't know what to say, I feel my heart would have broken with worry. Comprehension of the loss of those is too much for me x

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    1. Dearest Victoria, thank you so for your sweet kind words. I thought I was fine, but teared up all over again talking to other mother's at school drop-off today. thank you. xxoo

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  23. Rebecca, i am so sorry to hear of this!! people do often things sometimes and it is so hard to grasp and not hate. i am so happy you and your loved ones are all well. and my thoughts go out to the ones who lost. xo

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    1. thank you so so much Lily, you kind and gentle words are of deep comfort to me. xxoo

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  24. Oh my - I'm so sorry to hear such sad news. So many horrible, horrible things in the world, but I am so glad you are all ok.

    take care and many hugs to you all.

    Nina x

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    1. Thank you so Nina for your sweet words. I feel truly so heartened to think of all who are incensed by violence and who make small positive changes in other peoples lives. xxoo

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  25. Oh rebecca, I'm so sorry to hear your family had to go through this. But i was touched to hear such wise words written, such compassion for all in the world. keep safe x

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    1. Natalie, you are too kind. I always love your sweet gracious words on your blog, you are an inspiration. thank you so much for the gentle ways you walk in the world. xo

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  26. Rebecca, I'm just reading this now days after you posted it. My heart goes out to you and yours. Stay safe xx

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    1. Thank so Greer. I am currently wishing I could move the boys to another continent. so tired.
      so so grateful for your sweet thoughts.
      xxoo

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  27. Oh my goodness...I'm so sorry. Living as I do, so far a way from home and from Western media I miss major events like this. Still, even so far from home, these mentions that I do catch here and there, never fail make my throat catch and my stomach lurch. I can't imagine what it must have been like for your family.
    (and though the time may not be right for a compliment, I think your images fit perfectly with your words. So evocative, they made me go back and read again.)

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    1. Oh Erica, thank you so much. I envy your space apart from this all. I can't stomach it most days. We don't watch the news media, but prefer to get our news from NPR and the NYT, in part so we are not inundated with the visual images of the day to day atrocities. It's easier for me to just put down the times or turn off the radio than erase a horrible image from my mind. This was one of those situations where my heart just kept lurching for days.

      Keep hugging your sweet girl. and thank you so for your kind words. xo

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  28. i have no words..only tears! tears for this world we are leaving our children...where oh where is love that is deep and free and giving! I weep..the world is so full of such beauty and good but still so full of heart stopping sadness and cruelty! a mama's heart has a hard time stepping forward without fear! x

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    1. Dear Jane, you are a sweet kind soul. Tears are so correct in this situation. And love. These last few days never know whether I should stop and weep, or dance with the joy of just feeling so grateful. thank you so for your kind words and warm thoughts. xo

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  29. Rebecca dear I am so very sorry for what you and your family and town have just recently gone through, my heart aches for you. Please know that you and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a beautiful woman Rebecca, thank you for having the courage to talk about this awful tragedy! xo

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    1. Oh Jennifer. thank you ever so so much for your kind sweet words. It means ever so much to me. Hug your little one and give her a thousand kisses for this life. is. just. too. precious.

      xxoo

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  30. oh my goodness. just arrived here after working my way back from your 24/52 post. how awful, heard about this on the news and it seemed so far away. now it feels near. so relieved to hear that you are all safe. will cwtch my bundles in a little closer after reading this. love to you and your boys. x

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    1. oh forever snuggle them Sian! thanks so for your kind and warm thoughts. xo

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hello there! I love it so when you leave a bit of a note to let me know how you are and what you are thinking. I always love to hear about the things inspiring you and moving you through your day.

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