Oh that perfection though, it messes me up somedays; the desire to be the best, to be perfect at whatever I do. This desire doesn't always surface out from underneath my skin, but I think that the small girl in me, who never seemed to do anything quite right, so wants to be perfect at...something. This leads to quite an awkward outlook on life at times because it hinders my ability to see clearly or at least to have proper perspective on things. Perhaps my perfection is a desire to compete, a deep desire to compete with my Self. However healthy competition may be, I don't think that this internal struggle to be perfect, the lofty pedestal I place things I want to do or make, is healthy; especially because upon failure, I want to abandon ship, leave my wrecked project on a forgotten shore.
Ironically, people I love most in life, those folks who I cherish long walks with, sit down chats, or even admire from afar are folks who are far from perfect, in the sense that they love to embrace their faults and imperfections with vigor. They have a way of laughing and loving it all. They don't mind the bit of food stuck between their teeth in a photo or to dip their toes into something new -even though they know they will be miserable at it, the trying and the living is the most important part. So it seems silly that I would want to be perfect then, as I so love the flawed way us humans are.
Yesterday I read a post from the blog Simple Things Notebook where Dawn, the author, writes about a lesson learned in her design and sewing project "while I was disappointed that my idea did not work the way I had planned, and I even had to do some ripping out on the second run through, it was a good experience. Lessons were learned and ideas realized." It had me stop and think as I was already working on this post for today -yes, I thought, there are so many lessons to be had in what I would term failure. I realized I should instead label them as learning.
One of my favorite quotes is from the book Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy M. Montgomery, "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." I am thinking though now that perhaps this messes me up (though I still do love the quote). Perhaps I should re-work it and instead state "Tomorrow is always fresh, full of mistakes to be made and learning to be had in it." So then I think that this first day of May is the perfect moment to let go some of this desire to be perfect. Let go of being perfect, even though I know I am not going to be perfect at it all, I am just learning how. Thoughts? What do your life's little hiccups bring to you? Lessons learned? Or failed perfection?
If you are yearning for some flowers and green on this first of May Day check out Littlegreenshed, there is a link there with many glorious foraged flower and plant. xxoo
I love Anne of Green Gables, brings back childhood memories! Beautiful photos x
ReplyDeleteThanks ever so much Ms.Mammasaurus! If only I could be Anne Shirley! xo
Delete"...the trying and the living is the most important part."
ReplyDeleteLovin' this line. Something I am trying to share with my kids that I have to remind my self of often!
Your thoughts on this ring so true. There is this idea that all things must be perfect (I think worsened by our media exposure to a perfect that is not at all real) but it really is the messy in life that can be the most valuable to the development of our character... if we take note of the lessons.
So happy that this conversation is continuing here!
Thanks!
And I love. love. your roses. I do miss my California roses!
I think that imparting this lesson to our children is perhaps one of the best gifts we could give them! And yes, media really tarnishes the idea of perfection -either it is all violence and beauty or even worse, violence and beauty intertwined.
DeleteSo happy to continue the conversation over here, you had a very inspiring piece!
Oh those California Roses, beautiful, but they come with a heft property price tag!...sigh.
xxoo
Oh you write so beautifully in every post. And you do have enviable roses! Happy May Day! xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Lou! ANd Happy May Day to you as well! xo
DeleteThose roses are stunning, and so are you photos.
ReplyDeleteI am a terrible perfectionist and have to learn to give myself a break. I am getting better at it, but it's hard. Interestingly, I never expect those around me to be perfect and often prefer it when they are not! xx
Thanks so much Gillian!
DeleteIsn't it funny how we can embrace all the beautiful flaws of human nature yet struggle so with our own? Glad I am not just floating out there, adrift in my own disappointing perfection. xo
This is what knitting has taught me: after many times of having to rip out, rip out, rip out...I noticed that I almost always had to rip out the places where I brought my knitting with me to some place like church, or when I knitted in front of the TV. I learned that at least for me, knitting is something to focus on, and not to be done absentmindedly or distractedly. I know some people can knit in a darkened movie theater and not make a single mistake, but I'm not that person! So, the lesson- slow down and focus when knitting. Not a bad lesson. And one more lesson- even when you have to rip out, you still spent some time knitting, and that's worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteLisa! I love this knitting metaphor -perhaps you should write about it on your own blog so we can continue the conversation even further.
DeleteI am the same way when I knit, or at least I have to be looking at the work in progress to make sure it is all coming out as it should. I wonder if Greer from Typically Red can knit in movie theaters and the like, or Annie from Knitsofacto....mmm a question for the ages.
I also love that in Waldorf schools, they teach both boys and girls how to knit. Something very right about this. My boys have never attended one though. Perhaps I should teach them how to knit. I think it would be worthwhile if they took to the idea, though I am not sure they would. xxoo
Oh I so loved reading this today. I find the things that make me crumble, end up being so small, the tiny mistakes, the "death by paper cut syndrome." And sometimes it's the mess, the repetitive mess of life, where it feels like I am recycling my thoughts, over and over again until I can finally take a deep breath and feel the hush of grace and acceptance. I am a born perfectionist, through and through. And it is the mistakes, the places with all of the cracks where redemption and love has worked such deep work in me. Love love love this today. XO
ReplyDeleteThis is so very very beautiful. The small grace that knits us up back together when we fall apart and sews up the small tears in the seams. so important to remember that, despite it all there is something that will redeem our imperfect perfection. xo
DeleteI admit it, I'm a perfectionist. I grew up getting the pats on the head and the strokes for performing. It's something that I wrestle with.
ReplyDeleteFunnily enough, it isn't a global perfectionism. Some things can be average and I am not fussed. But art making or writing or events - those I want/expect to be perfect. I sometimes put a LOT of pressure on myself.
My ongoing learning is the process rather than the results.
Sandra you have such keen insight to the perfectionist's mind. I too find I hold standards very high for myself in the areas I am strongest in -which is the humanities and the arts. Perhaps that is where the competitive streak comes in as well. I know I have strengths, so if they are not up to my standards at all times, I crumble.
DeleteHowever I avoid calculus and college chemistry like the plague as I know I would fail in them (or at least failure in my eyes).
I think it IS good to put pressure on yourself. I know I do, the thirst to be better is very sweet indeed. Perhaps my compromise is that I have to remember that all that I do is a learning process rather than an end result of something.
xxoo
such beautiful lush roses ... life's imperfections bring me poems, at least right now. writing is better than hiding my head under a pillow. and I say that Anne-quote to myself alot too! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah! I think that working through it IS better than hiding under a pillow, however, I do get scared when it looks like I am going to fail at something so then I definitely hide. xo
DeleteTomorrow being fresh without mistakes......how liberating!! But some how I got lost in your roses....they do not belong in any way with that notion, they are so wonderful......perfectly imperfect in every way.....heady stuff!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! I am glad there is something in here that you took away from this. perfectly imperfect. xxoo
DeleteThose roses are in your backyard?! You lucky lady, you ;)
ReplyDeleteyes Kate they are! I wish I had really appreciated them sooner. I think the rose bush is in need some serious pruning and I am not sure I am qualified to do it. xo
DeleteBeautiful, beautiful flowers! I can almost smell them.
ReplyDeleteThanks so so much Meryl! xo
Deletefunny that it is easier to embrace other flawed human beings, and so hard to accept our flaws ;-) life is a work in progress, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteyes indeed! xo
DeleteWe women so often strive too hard to do it all and get it all right. It is so very hard to let go of this I think, even when we are at the point of utter exhaustion. But the learning, that is the important thing. A beautiful post and beautiful flowers.
ReplyDeleteThank you ever so much CJ. xo
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