life is often the dance of the stitch in between the thread of the needle and the cloth that binds it. that small space that closes down on the looping string and the scrubbed patch of cotton. the hollow embroidery & the test of the needle against your skin.
life fills me up messy some days. even when the stitch is tight and the the day is all mended. life means messy. & beautiful. acrid. unclear. sweet. gooey. loving. unkind. passionate. dull. I keep searching for all the ways that I am supposed to make myself work a bit better. make life a bit neater. fix wounds and tie shoelaces and unlock the secrets shelved inforgotten lockers. find my right path that works for me & all my mess.
but life fills me up messy some days. children fill me up messy some days. they make mess & cling to it in ways I never suspected they could. yesterday I cleaned off our dining room table, watching the way the water and the soap cleared away the particles of boy tatters and things. Today I cleaned the table again & was amazed how calm I felt clearing away the dusty bits of food stuck there. wiping the wood clean so it can invite something else upon it. & in this moment I realized how much I ever so need the messy in my life. I thrive in the chaos and in the calming of the cleaning and the clearing.
I need the messy so I can see all the beauty that is blown around my life, & how quiet it feels when I clear off the couch in the early morning to drink my coffee. & how calm it feels when i watch the tiny bubbles blow across a clean table. how lovely it feels when the light catches against flowers ever so messy and unkept from the garden, dropping petals by the dozens across my now clean but unkempt table; how the light catches, scooping life up and making things: making flowers & leaves & messy petals clear.
PS: lesson learned this week in "my life is my school for photography&art": light is really the best filter there is. nothing, really nothing is better than natural light. it illuminates everything. everything! & then there is the practice&practice. & the patience. xxoo
what engages you in the day to day? how do you tread water & find moments for yourself in the sticky & the undone? xo